英語笑話:鄉紳

In a small pretty village in Notting ham shire there formerly lived a respectable Squire， who excelled all his friends in amusements athletic， and whose manner of living was far from ascetic． A wife he had taken for better or worse， whose temper had proved an intolerant curse；but at length， to his great and unspeakable joy， she died when presenting a fine little boy．Strange fancies men have；the father designed to watch o’er the dawn of his son's youthful mind，that，only approached by the masculine gender， no room should be left him for feelings more tender．Had I ne’er seen a woman， he often would sigh，What Squire in the country so happy as I！ The boy was intelligent， active， and bright， and took in his studies uncommon delight；no juvenile follies distracted his mind； no visions of bright eyes， or damsels unkind， and those fair demisisterly beings so gay， ycleptpretty cousins， ne’erpopped in his way； till at length this remarkably singular son could number of years that had passed twenty one．

Now the father had settled， his promising son should his studies conclude when he reached twenty one；and he went，with a heart beating high with emotion， to launch the young man on life's turbulent ocean．As they entered the town，a young maiden tripped by， with a cheek like a rose， and a lightlaughing eye．O father， what's that？ cried the youth with delight， as this vision of loveliness burst on his sight．O，that， cried the cautious and politic Squire， who did not they outh's ardent glances admire，is only a thing called a Goose，my dear son ；we shall see many more ere our visit is done．

Blooming damsels now passed with their butter and cheese，whose beauty might even an anchorite please：Merelygeese！ said the Squire，don't mind them，my dear；thereare many things better worth looking at here． As onwards they passed， every step brought to view some spectacle equally curious and new；and the joy of the youth hardly knew any bounds， at the roped ancers， tumblers， and merry gorounds．

As soon as the tour of the town was completed， the fatherre solved that the boy should be treated； so， pausing an instant，he said，My dear son， a new era today in your life has begun；now of all this bright scene and the gayeties in it，choose whatever you like，it is yours from this minute．Choose whatever I like？ cried the jouthful recluse．O， thank you，dear father， then give mea goose！從前，在諾丁漢郡的一個美麗的小村莊裏住着一位可敬的紳士。他玩起體育競技遊戲來比所有的朋友都高強，過的日子絕不是苦行僧式的。不管是福是禍，他娶了個妻。結果她脾氣奇壞，成了個難以忍受的災星。終於，她在產下一玲瓏佳兒後死去，鄉紳先生的萬分欣喜自是不可言傳。人不時會突發奇想。這位父親決定親自督察兒子年幼的頭腦的啓蒙，務必使他接觸的都是男性，絕不留下餘地萌生更溫柔的感情。倘我從不曾見過女人，他常常嘆息道，全國的鄉紳裏誰人能有我快活！那男孩聰明、活潑而又通達事理，異常地喜歡學習。從不因小孩子的胡鬧而分心；從沒有明亮的眸子，或狠心的小妞，或被謂之嫵媚表親、半似姐妹的放肆尤物突然出現在他面前。到最後，這位非同

尋常、出類拔萃的兒子終於度過了21個年頭。

父親決定，他的前途無量的兒子在21歲時應該結束學業。於是他滿心激動地帶領年輕人啓航進入洶涌的人生之海。當他們進城時，正有一少女款款經過，腮如玫瑰，眼笑流波。哦，父親，那是什麼？當那可愛身影闖入他的眼簾時，年輕人快樂地喊道。噢，那個，謹慎而講究謀略的鄉紳根本不讚賞兒子熱烈的目光，於是大聲說，不過區區一笨鵝而已，我親愛的孩子，我們一路還會見到很多的。

攜奶油乳酪的如花少女絡繹而過，就是隱士也會被她們的美麗打動。不過是些笨鵝！鄉紳道，我兒不必放在心上，此間有許多事物更值得一觀呢。他們繼續前行，每一步都見到同樣新奇有趣的景象，年輕人看到走繩索的，翻斤斗的，和旋轉木馬等等，其樂也無窮。

小城之行一結束，父親就決定要款待兒子。於是，他停頓片刻後說，我親愛的兒子，今日起你的生活開始了一個新的時期。現在，在所有這眩目景象及種種賞心樂事中，選出你最喜愛的，你立刻就能得到它。由我任意選擇？年輕的隱居者大叫，啊，謝謝你了，父親，那就給我一隻笨鵝吧！