我的男朋友找不到工作,我都要瘋了

Christina, 29, has been with her serious boyfriend for several years. For most of their relationship, he's worked at a start-up - until the company went under four months ago. He still hasn't found a new job, and it's wearing on them both. They don't share an apartment, technically, but he stays at her place all the time (which is nicer, and doesn't have roommates), and she feels like he's basically living there rent-free. Whenever they go anywhere, she now pays for them both. She wants to be supportive, but she's starting to feel uncomfortable with it - and taken advantage of. She works for a marketing firm and, while her paycheck is steady, she's not made of money. Long-term, she can't keep this up. She knows he's trying, and she wants to help, but what if she's enabling him?

29歲的克里斯蒂娜和她的男朋友在一起已經好幾年了。談戀愛的那幾年，他一直都在一家創業公司上班--但四個月前，這家公司破產了。四個月過去了，他還是沒有找到新工作，這讓他們兩個人都很累。嚴格說來，他們倆不住在同一個公寓，但他卻總是呆在她的住處（這樣更好，他們沒有室友），但她覺得他住在她那兒簡直就是白住。不管他們去哪，她現在都要花兩個人的錢。她也想支持他，但她卻感覺有點不舒服了--覺得他在佔她便宜。她在一家營銷公司上班，雖然工資很穩定，但她的錢也不是白來的。長遠看來，她無法一直保持這種狀態。她知道他也在努力，她也想幫忙，但如果她這是在助長他呢？

This could go one of two ways: It could be the catalyst for your breakup, or it could be the first major challenge that you and your boyfriend get through together. Neither will be fun or sexy. But the key for handling it with your head up (and minimizing further financial damage) is to focus on your own experience - and bank account - instead of worrying about whether he's mooching off you or not. "You can't prove if he's taking advantage of your finances, or you're enabling him by taking on more financial responsibilities," says Amanda Clayman, an L.A.-based financial therapist who has treated many couples in this position. "There won't be a productive conversation around that."

這會有兩種結果：這件事可能是你們分手的催化劑，也有可能是你和你男朋友需要共同度過的第一個重大挑戰。不管是哪種結果，過程都不會有趣、性感。但處理這件事的關鍵（並進一步減少財產損失）就是將注意力放在自己身上--和銀行卡上--而不是擔心他是否在佔你便宜。"你無法證明他是否在經濟上佔你便宜，也無法證明自己是否助長了他在經濟上對你的依賴，"洛杉磯的財務專家阿曼達·克萊曼說道，她曾處理過很多這樣的案件。"光是談論這一話題是不會談出什麼好結果的。"

Instead, pay attention to when you're annoyed, and then tell him - carefully. "The only way to constructively and honestly deal with this is by sharing where you're at," explains Clayman. "Unspoken resentment is a dangerous thing in a relationship."

相反，你可以告訴他自己爲什麼生氣--態度好一點。"分享你們各自的想法是解決這一問題的唯一建設性方法，"克萊曼解釋道。"感情中，未說出口的憎恨是很危險的。"

Of course, you need to be very strategic about this. Someone who already feels crappy about his joblessness won't react well to one of his major sources of stability telling him that her love is in fact conditional on him rejoining the workforce and ponying up for Seamless orders more often. "Saying that you feel taken advantage of might seem a little strong," says Clayman.

當然，這件事也要講究戰略。有些人本來就因爲失業而感到沮喪，如果這些人的戀人對他們說我對你的愛是有條件的，只有你找到工作、更頻繁的付錢，我纔會愛你，那他們的反應肯定不好。"說自己被他佔了便宜可能有點嚴重，"克萊曼說道。