最搞笑的英語小笑話十則

生活中怎麼能少了笑話來調味一下我們乏味枯燥的日常呢?一則搞笑的小笑話就能讓我們原本苦惱的心情立刻變得像春天的鮮花一樣燦爛，本站小編爲你準備了非常搞笑的英語笑話及其翻譯，希望你的生活像夏日的陽光一樣!

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

昂貴的代價

牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，爲給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

母親：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀?

牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這麼大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

我沒有睡着

當一羣婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被佔滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!”

“我沒有睡着。”那個男人回答。

“沒睡着?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”

“我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

可憐的丈夫

“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多麼的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋爲什麼我的答案是錯的。”

Who's More Polite?

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

誰更有禮貌?

一個胖子和一個瘦子在爭論誰更有禮貌。瘦子說他更有禮貌，因爲他經常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認爲他更有風度，因爲無論什麼時候他在車上給別人讓座時，總有兩位女士能坐下。

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

一個人給一家他計劃在假期裏停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶着我的狗，它很乾淨很有教養，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”

旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，牀單， 餐具，或者牆上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因爲狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它爲您擔保，也歡迎您來。

One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

"Certainly"

"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

"Then why you didn't take it back?"

"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

聰明的兒子

有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經拿着信跑了,父親纔想起信封上沒寫地址和收信人的名字。

兒子回來後,父親問他:“你把信丟進郵筒了嗎?” “當然”“你沒看見信封上沒有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”

“我當然看見信封上什麼也沒寫”“那你爲什麼不拿回來呢?”

“我還以爲你不寫地址和收信人,是爲了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰呢!”

The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

把腳放進去

一個女學生坐在座位上，嘴裏起勁地嚼着口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發現了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴厲地叫她。“什麼事，老師?”這女學生問。“把口香糖從嘴裏拿出來，把腳放進去。”

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

我沒有睡着

當一羣婦女上車之後，車上的座位全都被佔滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他擔心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!”

“我沒有睡着。”那個男人回答。

“沒睡着?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”

“我知道，我只是不願意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

可憐的丈夫

“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多麼的難，”一個男人對他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個問題，然後自己回答了，過後又花半個小時跟我解釋爲什麼我的答案是錯的。”

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

父親在哪兒?

兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

狗也知道這個諺語嗎?

一個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

“沒有關係，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”

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