經典科幻文學:《生命 宇宙及一切》第22章(7)

People had been dropping in on the party now for some years, fashionable gatecrashers from other worlds, and for some time it had occurred to the partygoers as they had looked out at their own world beneath them, with its wrecked cities, its ravaged avocado farms and blighted vineyards, its vast tracts of new desert, its seas full of biscuit crumbs and worse, that their world was in some tiny and almost imperceptible ways not quite as much fun as it had been. Some of them had begun to wonder if they could manage to stay sober for long enough to make the entire party spaceworthy and maybe take it off to some other people’s worlds where the air might be fresher and give them fewer headaches.
The few undernourished farmers who still managed to scratch out a feeble existence on the half-dead ground of the planet’s surface would have been extremely pleased to hear this, but that day, as the party came screaming out of the clouds and the farmers looked up in haggard fear of yet another cheese-and-wine raid, it became clear that the party was not going to be going anywhere else for a while, that the party would soon be over. Very soon it would be time to gather up hats and coats and stagger blearily outside to find out what time of day it was, what time of year it was, and whether in any of this burnt and ravaged land there was a taxi going anywhere.
The party was locked in a horrible embrace with a strange white spaceship which seemed to be half sticking through it. Together they were lurching, heaving and spinning their way round the sky in grotesque disregard of their own weight. The clouds parted. The air roared and leapt out of their way. The party and the Krikkit warship looked, in their writhings, a little like two ducks, one of which is trying to make a third duck Inside the second duck, whilst the second duck is trying very hard to explain that it doesn’t feel ready for a third duck right now, is uncertain that it would want any putative third duck to be made by this particular first duck anyway, and certainly not whilst it, the second duck, was busy flying.
The sky sang and screamed with the rage of it all and buffeted the ground with shock waves.
And suddenly, with a foop, the Krikkit ship was gone.
The party blundered helplessly across the sky like a man leaning against an unexpectedly open door. It span and wobbled on its hover jets. It tried to right itself and wronged itself instead. It staggered back across the sky again.
For a while these staggerings continued, but clearly they could not continue for long. The party was now a mortally wounded party. All the fun had gone out of it, as the occasional brokenbacked pirouette could not disguise.
The longer, at this point, that it avoided the ground, the heavier was going to be the crash when finally it hit it.
Inside, things were not going well either. They were going monstrously badly, in fact, and people were hating it and saying so loudly. The Krikkit robots had been. They had removed the Award for The Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word “Fuck” In A Serious Screenplay, and in its place had left a scene of devastation that left Arthur feeling almost as sick as a runner-up for a Rory.
We would love to stay and help, shouted Ford, picking his way over the mangled debris, only we’re not going to.
The party lurched again, provoking feverish cries and groans from amongst the smoking wreckage.
We have to go and save the Universe, you see, said Ford. And if that sounds like a pretty lame excuse, then you may be right. Either way, we’re off.
He suddenly came across an unopened bottle lying, miraculously unbroken, on the ground.
Do you mind if we take this? he said. You won’t be needing it.
He took a packet of potato crisps too.

多年以來，許多人來到了這個派對。許多來自外星的、衣着光鮮的不速之客。人們偶爾朝腳下的世界看上兩眼，就會看見蕭索的城市，荒蕪的鱷梨樹林，萎敗的葡萄園，廣袤的新生的沙漠，佈滿餅乾渣和更糟的東西的海面——他們的星球正發生着小小的轉變，大概是比以前差了點兒。有的人就會想：不知大家能否保持足夠的清醒，最好能給大樓加上星際旅行功能，也許就能搬到別的星球上去，那樣空氣就會好些，大家腦袋也不會那麼疼了。
地面上，爲數不多的農民正陷於饑荒狀態。他們靠着貧瘠的土地勉強過活，聽到以上消息，無比欣慰。可是有一天，那派對從雲層中呼嘯而來，農民們擡起頭，想到又一次奶酪和酒的搶劫又要來臨，頓時驚恐萬分。很明顯，派對暫時哪兒也不會去，而且，派對很快就會結束了。很快，人們就可以戴上帽子，穿上外套，醉醺醺步出大樓，看看今天是什麼日子，今年是哪年，在這片破敗荒蕪的土地上有沒有出租車可以搭。
派對被一艘詭異的白色飛船包圍了。那飛船一半都嵌進了大樓裏。飛船和大樓一起，在天上搖搖擺擺、晃晃悠悠，組成一幅怪誕的畫面。雲開霧散，風也咆哮着吹走了。大樓和版求戰船還在掙扎着、撲騰着，就像兩隻鴨子。第一隻鴨子想在第二隻鴨子體內弄出第三隻鴨子，但第二隻鴨子力圖解釋它還沒準備好接受第三隻鴨子，尤其不想接受這第一隻鴨子想要的那第三隻鴨子，更不想讓它在自己體被出現。因爲，第二隻鴨子正忙着飛行呢。
空中傳來一陣陣可怕的巨響，一股衝擊波直衝大地，震撼四方。
突然，版求飛船“呼”的一聲不見了。
派對大樓在空中跌跌撞撞，像不小心靠在一扇虛掩的門上一樣。頭暈眼花，胡衝亂撞，想往東卻往西走，甚至還暈乎乎地倒着飛。
大樓暈乎了很久，當然，不會太久。此時的派對，已經遭到嚴重破壞。歡樂不復存在，大樓現在連單腿旋轉也轉不來了。
在天上呆得越久，最後一定跌得越重。
室內的情況同樣糟糕。人們的狀態相當不好。許多人恨得咬牙切齒，破口大罵，罵那些版求機器人。它們奪走了“在連續劇劇本中‘操’這個單詞最爲無緣無故的用法獎”的獎品。放獎品的地方，現在已是一片狼藉。阿瑟十分難過，就像只得了若利杯的亞軍似的。
“我們很想留下來幫忙，”福特一邊從滿地破爛裏鑽出來，一邊叫道，“但我們不會的。”
大樓又抖了一下，廢墟中哭喊、呻吟響成一片。
“瞧，我們得去拯救宇宙了。”福特道，“沒錯，這是個很爛的藉口……總之，我們得走了。”
突然，他看見地上有瓶酒，沒開過，而且奇蹟般地，沒有碎。
“我能拿走嗎？你們已經不需要啦。”
他順手又拿了一袋薯片。