經典科幻文學:《 基本上無害 Mostly Harmless》 第9章2

‘Princess Hooli? If I had to stand around saying hello to everybody who’s known Princess Hooli I’d need a new set of lungs.’

“琥麗公主？要是遇上個認識琥麗公主的傢伙我就打聲招呼，現在非得重新換對肺不可。”

‘Not the Princess,’ said Arthur. ‘The reporter. Her name’s Trillian. I don’t know where she got the Astra from. She’s from the same planet as me. I wondered where she’d got to.’

“不是那個公主。”阿瑟說，“那個記者。她叫崔莉恩，只是不曉得“星象”是從哪兒弄來的。她跟我來自同一個星球。真想知道她都去了些什麼地方。”

‘Oh, she’s all over the continuum these days. We can’t get the tri-d TV stations out here of course, thank the Great Green Arkleseizure, but you hear her on the radio, gallivanting here and there through space/time. She wants to settle down and find herself a steady era that young lady does. It’ll all end in tears. Probably already has.’ He swung with his hammer and hit his thumb rather hard. He started to speak in tongues.

“哦，這些日子《時空連續》裏到處都能看見她。當然我們這兒收不到3D電視節目，感謝偉大的綠色巨怪阿克雷斯埃爾。可收音機裏總有消息，她在空間/時間裏滿世界瞎逛。她倒是想安定下來，想給自己找個穩穩當當的時代過日子，這位年輕女士。最後肯定是流着眼淚收場。多半已經這麼收場了。”先知揮起鐵錘，砸中了自己的拇指，力量還挺大，於是滔滔不絕地罵起娘來。

The village of oracles wasn’t much better.

神使的村子也好不了多少。

He had been told that when looking for a good oracle it was best to find the oracle that other oracles went to, but he was shut. There was a sign by the entrance saying, ‘I just don’t know any more. Try next door, but that’s just a suggestion, not formal oracular advice.’

人們告訴他說，要想找到頂尖的，就問問其他神使跟誰做諮詢。可那一位也已經關門大吉。入口處有塊牌子，上頭寫着：我什麼也不知道了。試試隔壁→，當然這只是個建議，不是神諭。

‘Next door’ was a cave a few hundred yards away and Arthur walked towards it. Smoke and steam were rising from, respectively, a small fire and a battered tin pot that was hanging over it. There was also a very nasty smell coming from the pot. At least, Arthur thought it was coming from the pot. The distended bladders of some of the local goat-like things were hanging from a propped-up line drying in the sun, and the smell could have been coming from them. There was also, a worryingly small distance away, a pile of discarded bodies of the local goat-like things and the smell could have been coming from them.

“隔壁”是幾百碼之外的一個洞，阿瑟朝它走過去。青煙和水蒸氣冉冉升起——煙來自一個小火堆，水蒸氣來自火堆上一個破破爛爛的錫壺，壺裏還散發出一股挺噁心的味道——至少阿瑟覺得那是從壺裏出來的。一根繩子上搭着些脹大的膀胱，原本屬於當地一種好像山羊的動物；膀胱正在太陽底下曬着，那股味兒也可能是它們的傑作。不遠處——事實上距離近的讓人擔心——還有堆當地類山羊的殘肢，那味兒也可能是從那兒來的。

But the smell could just as easily have been coming from the old lady who was busy beating flies away from the pile of bodies. It was a hopeless task because each of the flies was about the size of a winged bottle top and all she had was a table tennis bat. Also she seemed half blind. Every now and then, by chance, her wild thrashing would connect with one of the flies with a richly satisfying thunk, and the fly would hurtle through the air and smack itself open against the rock face a few yards from the entrance to her cave.

不過，它同樣可能來自在殘骸跟前趕蒼蠅的老婦人。那是毫無希望的任務，因爲每隻蒼蠅都有長翅膀的瓶蓋大小，而她的武器不過是隻乒乓球拍。再說她似乎已經快瞎了。反正拍子在天上亂飛，是不是也會碰巧跟某隻蒼蠅發生接觸，只聽一聲厚重悅耳的“鏘”，然後蒼蠅就會劃破空氣，摔到離她洞口幾碼遠的石頭上，啪嗒一聲來個開膛破肚。

She gave every impression, by her demeanour, that these were the moments she lived for.

看她的神色，你不得不承認，這多半就是給她的生活帶來意義的瞬間。

Arthur watched this exotic performance for a while from a polite distance, and then at last tried giving a gentle cough to attract her attention. The gentle cough, courteously meant, unfortunately involved first inhaling rather more of the local atmosphere than he had so far been doing and as a result, he erupted into a fit of raucous expectoration, and collapsed against the rock face, choking and streaming with tears. He struggled for breath, but each new breath made things worse. He vomited, half-choked again, rolled over his vomit, kept rolling for a few yards, and eventually made it up on to his hands and knees and crawled, panting, into slightly fresher air.

阿瑟站在禮貌的距離之外，觀賞了好一會這充滿異域風情的表演，然後終於小聲咳嗽，想吸引對方的注意。這聲輕柔的咳嗽原本是出於禮節上的考慮，不幸卻首先牽扯到了呼吸系統——他吞下了比迄今的吸入量多出一長截的當地大氣，導致一陣沙啞駭人的咳嗽突然爆發，於是癱倒在石頭上，眼睛裏淚水長流，險些窒息。他拼命呼吸，可每一口都讓情況更加噁心；他嘔了一地，結果又差點嗆死；他翻身滾過自己的嘔吐物，又繼續滾了好幾碼，最後終於掙扎着雙手撐地，氣喘吁吁地爬進了稍微新鮮點的空氣裏。

‘Excuse me,’ he said. He got some breath back. ‘I really am most dreadfully sorry. I feel a complete idiot and…’ He gestured helplessly towards the small pile of his own vomit lying spread around the entrance to her cave.

“請原諒，”他的呼吸終於順暢了一點點，“我實在是太抱歉了真的。我覺得自己簡直就是個大傻瓜而且……”他無助地指了指人家洞口附近的那一小堆嘔吐物。

‘What can I say?’ he said. ‘What can I possibly say?’

“我能說什麼呢？”他說，“我還能說些什麼呢？”