如何撫慰一顆受傷的心?戀愛必修課之分手
Break-ups are never easy. Whether you were “just dating” or married, with or without kids, it hurts when a relationship ends. To spend time grieving is perfectly natural and healthy but there comes a time when your heart yearns to be healed.
分手從來就不是一件容易的事。不論你只是約約會或是已經結了婚，也不論有沒有孩子，當一段關係結束的時候，它總是傷人的。爲了結束的感情難過這很正常，但這時也是你的心靈需要治癒的時候。The following 5 steps can help you begin down that path of healing.
以下5個步驟幫助你開始這條癒合之路。1. It’s Not About You—Really, It’s Not
不是你的問題，真的不是你的錯
You know that old saying “it’s not you, it’s me”? While we usually think of it as a cop-out, a way for someone to spare our feelings, the reality is that it is actually true. People act a certain way, make certain decisions, and choose to life their life a certain way because of their own desires and needs; not because of us.
你知道那句古話“不是你的錯，是我的錯”嗎？通常我們認爲這種說法是一種逃避，也是一種舒緩我們感受的方式，而事實上這說法確實是對的。人們以特定的方式表現，做出特定的決定，選擇他們想要的方式生活，因爲他們有自己的慾望和需要，而不是因爲我們！When someone is a jerk, or says something nasty, or leaves you, it is because of something going on inside of them. Please know that I am not excluding the influence of your own behavior that may have precipitated the break-up, but it comes down to the fact that your ex left because of their reactions and feelings surrounding that event and it may have been the right choice for them.
當某人變成了個混蛋，說了難聽的話，或是離開了你，那是因爲他們內心起了變化。請明白我不是要排除你自己行爲帶來的影響，這些行爲可能也觸發了分手的發生，但事實可以歸結爲你的前任離開你是因爲他們對待事情的反應和感受有了變化，而這樣做對他們來說也許是一個正確的選擇。Once a relationship ends, you can’t go back and change things no matter how much you want to, so it’s best to stop beating yourself up about the past. Forgive yourself for your part in the break up, learn lessons from it, and try not to take it personally. Realize that you are perfect just the way you are and there is someone out there who will agree.
當一段關係結束，無論你有多想，你都回不去了，也改變不了任何事，所以關於過去，最好就是停止自責。寬容自己，從中吸取教訓，儘量不要獨自忍受痛苦。要知道以自己的方式做，你就是完美的，總有一個人會欣賞你這樣的方式。2. This Too Shall Pass
這一切都會過去I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but the pain will go away.
我知道現在你不這麼想，但疼痛總會消失。Allow yourself to really feel your feelings—wallow in them if you want—and know that they are temporary. Sometimes it’s good to think back to another time in your life where you felt broken, and then realize that it did, indeed, get better. This will too. If you have faith that these feelings will pass, that you will feel better someday, that day will arrive much sooner.
讓自己真正地體會感受，如果你想，你可以沉浸其中。但要清楚它們只是暫時的。有時回想過去你心痛的那一刻，然後意識到它確實會變好，這樣的回想也是有好處的。如果你相信這些感覺也會過去，終有一天你也會變好，那麼這一天就會來得早很多。3. Forgive & Pray
原諒和祈禱You may be feeling some very negative emotions towards your ex, such as anger, resentment, and frustration, but harboring these feelings is only hurting one person—you. In order to save yourself, you need to forgive your ex. Now, I don’t mean you have to call them up and tell them they are forgiven (although you can if you want to), you just need to forgive them in your heart.
對你的前任，也許你的內心充滿了很多消極情緒，比如生氣、怨恨和失望，但是懷着這些情緒只會傷害到一個人，就是你。爲了拯救自己，你需要原諒你的前任。在這裏，我不是說你要打電話給他們說你原諒他們了（當然如果你想的話，你可以這麼做），你只需要在心裏原諒他們就可以了。I have found that praying for that person helps with being able to forgive them and move on. Pray for their happiness and continued health and mean it when you say it. You should feel your anger and resentment getting less and less if you continue this practice. Doing this has the added benefit of showing yourself what a good person you really are. Hey, you even pray for those that hurt you, so you must be a loving, generous person who deserves love.
我發現爲那個人祈禱能幫助我們原諒他們並使自己繼續前進。爲他們的幸福和健康祈禱，當你說這些的時候，要認真地說。如果你保持練習，你應該感覺到憤怒和怨恨在變得越來越少。這樣做還有其它好處，就是向別人展示你真的是一個很好的人。不是吧，你竟然祝福那些傷害你的人？你一定是個有愛心又慷慨的人，值得很多人愛慕。4. Live Life One Day at a Time
珍惜每一天Concentrate on today, and focus on the present moment. It’s said that worry is like a rocking chair: it keeps you busy, but doesn’t get you anywhere. It’s time to stop worrying about the future and notice where you are today. Don’t worry about your sister’s wedding in 6 months and the fact that now you don’t have a date. Don’t worry about what will happen if you see him around town with another girl—just live for today, the rest will take care of itself. Be present for all the gifts the universe is trying to give you today.
專注今天，專注當前。煩惱就像一把搖椅：它讓你忙碌，但又讓你原地踏步。是時候了，停止擔憂未來，留意一下今天你在哪裏。不要擔心6個月後你姐姐就要結婚了，而現在的你連一個約會對象都沒有。不要擔心如果你在鎮上看到他和另一個女孩在一起會發生什麼。只爲今天而活，其餘的自會如常。今天這個世界給你的全部禮物就是當下。5. It’s All About Progress
這些全是進步Life is hard: if it wasn’t, we would all be perfect people living in a perfect world. Give yourself kudos for any and all progress you make, since anytime you are able to move in a forward direction, that is worth celebrating. Keep track of all the progress you have made by keeping a journal of all your successes. Then, when you feel that you are going backwards, read through it and you will realize just how far you have come.
生活是艱難的，如果不是，那我們就是生活在一個完美世界裏的完美的人。要表揚自己取得的任何進步，因爲不論什麼時候你都走在前進的道路上，這是值得慶祝的。要在日誌本里記錄你所有的成功，以此來記錄你所取得的進步。然後當你覺得退步了，再讀一遍，你就會意識到自己走了有多遠。Final Thought
最後的想法Healing your heart is really about healing your whole self, so be sure to take this opportunity to delve deeper into who you are and what you want. Start by appreciating the lessons you learned from the past, being present in the here and now, and using your power to create the future you want.
治癒你的心，其實就是在治癒你整個人，因而一定要抓住這次機會深刻了解你是怎樣的人，以及你想要什麼。治癒之路始於感謝那些你從過去的經歷中學到的教訓；始於專注當下；始於發揮你的力量去創造你想要的未來。
