無力吐槽 爲什麼單單我是單身狗

Are you single? Are you confused as to how this state of affairs has come about? Our experts may be able to explain.

你是單身？你對爲什麼自己單身感到困惑嗎？我們的專家也許能爲你解答。

Your social media

你的社交媒體

The Inner Circle founder, David Vermeulen, says your social media channels may be the reason you are single.

Inner Circle創始人大衛•韋爾默朗說，你的社交媒體可能是你單身的原因。

'Try to refrain from posting your political stance on controversial topics such as Brexit and immigration online.

“試着不要發帖表明你對英國脫歐和移民問題等爭議性話題的政治立場。”

'Broadcasting your political views on your social media channels can successfully eliminate any potential suitors with opposing views from making an approach before you have even met, meaning that you may never meet the man/woman of your dreams, all due to one off the cuff remark,' he suggests.

他建議說：“在社交媒體上傳播你的政治觀點很可能會趕走潛在的追求者，因爲還沒見面你就發表了與他們相反的意見。這意味着你可能永遠不會見到你的夢中情人，全都因一個即興的評論。”

He also warns against posting cryptic statuses, such as: 'my life is like a black hole, everything good gets swallowed up'.

他還警告說不要發一些隱晦的狀態，比如：“我的人生就像一個黑洞，一切美好的東西都會被吞噬。”

He explains: 'Of course, as empathetic human beings, we care if something bad is happening to you. But, a cryptic status like this serves us in no way whatsoever. All the reader gets out of this self-indulgent status is a sense that you would be a nightmare to be in a relationship with.'

他解釋說：“當然，作爲感同身受的人類，如果在你身上發生了壞事我們會很關心。但這種隱晦的狀態讓我們無從關心。所有讀者從這樣一個任性的狀態得到的感覺是：與你交往會是一個噩夢。”

David also says posting too many selfies can put off potential suitors, explaining that they may think that you are self-absorbed or very narcissistic and refrain from approaching you. 'Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who cares more about the selfie lighting situation on a date, than the date itself, I doubt it?', he asks.

戴維還說，發太多的自拍可能讓潛在的追求者反感，他解釋說他們可能會認爲你很自私或很自戀，不想接近你。他問道:“你想跟那些更在乎約會時的自拍光線情況而非約會本身的人交往麼？我對此持懷疑態度。”

Your attitude

你的態度

Jack Knowles, founder of dating app Temptr, says that many single people that he encounters seem to carry a typical ‘woe is me attitude’ when it comes to explaining to friends and family members the reason behind why they haven’t yet found ‘the one’ to settle down with, especially once they have reached a certain age.

傑克•諾爾斯是約會應用Temptr的創始人，他說自己遇到的很多單身人士，他們在向朋友和家人解釋爲什麼還沒找到一個人“安定”下來的背後原因時，似乎持一種典型的“我好命苦啊”的態度。當他們已經到了一定年齡時尤其如此。

'Sadly, this method of feeling sorry for oneself can very much exacerbate a situation and gives potential suitors a reason to stay away,' he said. 'Basically, it’s hard to find a partner when you reek of desperation.'

他說：“可悲的是，這種垂頭喪氣的方法非常可能使情況惡化，並讓潛在的追求者遠離你。如果你散發着絕望的氣息，基本上很難找到伴侶。”

You're too picky

你太挑剔了

Lucy Jones, relationship expert at , says the internet is to blame for us being too picky.

露西•瓊斯是網站的戀情專家，她說我們太挑剔都怪互聯網。

She said: 'Before the explosion of internet dating and social media, you had just a handful of potential partners. You either ended up dating a friend of a friend, a coworker, or someone you bumped into at the coffee shop. How many potential partners do we have now? Hundreds of thousands!

她說：“在網上約會和社交媒體激增之前，你只有幾個的潛在伴侶。你要麼與朋友的朋友、同事約會，要麼跟你在咖啡店偶遇的某個人約會。我們現在有多少潛在的伴侶？成千上萬！”

'You get chatting to a guy online, you’re thinking of taking things to the next level and meeting up. He seems great and all, but with so many other profiles out there how can you commit? There are scores of other guys just a few taps away, maths tell us one of them is almost certainly a better fit for you.

“你和一個人網上聊天，你想讓關係更進一步，見個面。他似乎很棒，但還有這麼多其他人，你怎麼能做出承諾？只需聊幾次就能認識幾十個其他男士，數學告訴我們，其中一個幾乎肯定更適合你。

'How do you get over this? By being less picky? Well sort of. You might have access to tens of thousands of single potential partners, but it’s going to take an entire lifetime to judge them all.'

“你怎麼克服這個問題？變得不那麼挑剔？這是不錯的方法。你可能有機會與成千上萬單身的潛在伴侶聊天，但要對所有人進行判斷得花一輩子。”

She recommends changing your mindset and stopping concentrating on future lost chances, instead focusing on what will make you content today.

她建議改變心態，別再關注未來失去的機會，而是關注今天讓你滿意的人。

'I have a type'

“我有喜歡的類型”

Lucy Jones says that dating is a buffet - the best way to build your preferences is to sample everything on offer.

露西•瓊斯說，約會是一種自助餐——建立喜好的最好方法是嘗試一切提供給你的類型。

She explains: 'The issue is when we judge someone on whether they are our type or not, we do so on surface level appearances and personality traits. But when we date someone, it’s the characteristics under the surface level which dictate whether or not they’re a fit for us.'

她解釋說：“問題是當我們判斷一個人是否是我們喜歡的類型時，我們只評價了外貌和個性特徵。但是當我們與某人約會時，更深層次的品質決定了他們是否適合我們。”

So, she recommends branching out and dating guys who you usually wouldn’t date. 'Get to know a personality you’ve never experienced before. Maybe you won’t find your dream guy, maybe you will. What you’re bound to gain, however, is a better understanding of what you want in a partner.'

所以，她建議擴大範圍，與你通常不會約會的男士約會。“去了解一種你從未經歷過的個性。也許你不會找到夢想中的人，也許你會。但你肯定能對你想要什麼樣的伴侶有更好的理解。”

You haven't let go of an ex

你還沒對前任放手

Your future relationships are affected by a wide range of things, your connection to your ex is one of the most impactful, says Lucy.

露西說，你未來的戀情關係受到多種因素的影響，你與前任的聯繫是最有影響力的事情之一。

'You might notice the conscious changes your ex has caused (e.g. staying away from guys that remind you of your ex, not going to locations that hold some kind of significance), but there are so many unconscious changes that you’re probably unaware of.

“你可能會注意到你因爲前任而引起的明顯變化（例如，遠離那些讓你想起前任的人，不去那些有某種特殊意義的地方），但你可能不知道還有這麼多無意識的改變。”

'Don’t worry, we are a product of our experiences so this is perfectly normal. However, where it becomes dangerous is when these unconscious changes stop us from starting new relationships and forming new connections.

“別擔心，我們是自身經驗的產物，所以這是完全正常的。然而，當這些無意識的改變阻礙我們開始新的戀情、建立新的聯繫時，它就變得危險了。”

'If you think you’re a victim of this, it’s important to concentrate on breaking off your feelings for your past relationships before ever starting a new one. For certain occasions a new love will make the break-up easier, but it’s rare and it’s hardly fair on your new partner. Break-ups are between two people, don’t endanger something special by starting a relationship before you’re totally unconnected.'

“如果你認爲自己是這一問題的受害者，在開始一段新的戀情之前，集中精力打破你對過去感情的感覺很重要。某些情況下，一份新的愛情會使分手變得沒那麼難過，但這很少見，而且對你的新伴侶不公平。分手是兩人之間的事情，在與前任完全結束之前，不要建立新的關係，以免傷害對你來說很特殊的人。”

So how can you find the one? As Lucy explains, when Prince Charming was trying to find Cinderella he visited every house in the kingdom, trying that glass slipper on every foot he could; he didn’t just keep his fingers crossed hoping she’d show up.

那麼你怎麼能找到那個命中註定的人呢？正如露西解釋的，當白馬王子試圖找到灰姑娘時，他訪問了王國的每一個家庭，儘量讓每個人試穿那雙水晶鞋；他沒有隻是手指交叉祈禱她出現。

'I’m not saying you need to travel the country knocking on every man’s door,' she said. 'Just try being open to new experiences and meeting new people. Expand your experiences and escape your comfort zone. By saying yes to the world you’re improving your chances of bumping into Prince Charming. Unfortunately he’s not going to turn up at your door while you’re watching Netflix in bed.

她說：“我並不是說你需要在這個國家旅行，每個男人的門都敲。試着接納新的體驗，結交新的朋友。擴充你的經歷，逃離你的舒適區。通過對這個世界說Yes，你會提高遇見白馬王子的機會。不幸的是，你在牀上看片兒的時候，他不會出現在你的門口。”

'Learn to enjoy rolling the dice more often, eventually you’ll hit the jackpot.'

“學會享受擲更多次骰子，最終你會中頭彩。”